A Chelsea/Man City Match Report I Wrote For Something Else

As title really. I have to get this shit down to 400 words for a freelance application but kinda like it as it is so might as well wang it up here. Yes.

Chelsea 2 – 4 Manchester City

27 February 2010

Once the dust had settled the realisation that there was an actual game of football to be played came as something of a surprise. With pre-match attention focused on a handshake between two former friends and the match broadcaster shuffling its commercial breaks around to accommodate it, the day had a surreal feel to it that remained long after the final whistle.

Not that you would have expected it during a turgid opening forty minutes in which City were content to watch Chelsea work their midfield triangles as the two ends of the stadium took turns booing their pantomime villains, though surely few were genuine in their condemnation of Wayne Bridge’s every early touch. The history books are hardly full of tales where the cuckold is the bad guy. Chelsea’s play was stodgy but they dominated possession and were well worth the lead, Frank Lampard with a tightly-angled drive from a neat through ball from the newly restored Joe Cole.

So, Chelsea at Stamford Bridge, one up after forty minutes against a side set up to contain, the home side barely out of third gear. So far so familiar for a side unbeaten at home all season. If City seemed to be reading from the script, though, the ad-libs were soon to begin and there was a sort of karmic inevitability that this incredible turnaround should be borne of the left boot of Wayne Bridge.

Chelsea so nearly added a second through Joe Cole but Shay Given was out quickly to block. Bridge’s hoofed clearance took so long to come back down that John Obi Mikel,with acres of time and space, had no excuse for his horribly midjudged header back to Terry, intercepted with ease by the waiting Carlos Tevez. The Argentinian was away from Terry in an instant, turning Ricardo Carvalho inside and out before scuffing a hopeless shot that Hilario, in goal for the injured Petr Cech, inexpicably fell over. As the ball trickled over the line Carvalho turned away with his head in his hands, doubtless thinking the same as the rest of us: what happened there?

As it turned out it was only the opening act of a comedy of Chelsea errors. Moments later Lescott found himself unmarked but headed wide. The second half was only six minutes old when City took the lead, Bellamy beating Mikel comfortably for pace, arrowing a low shot across Hilario.

Ancelotti responded by withdrawing Mikel and Joe Cole for Juliano Belletti and Daniel Sturridge. The Italian hoped Sturridge would raise his game against his former club but playing the young striker on the right wing, on his weak foot, against the most motivated player on the pitch in Wayne Bridge, was not exactly helpful.

Chelsea coninued to enjoy the bulk of possession but City pounced again. Gareth Barry disposessed Belletti on the edge of the area and turned him easily only for the Brazilian to bundle into the back of him. Mike Dean had no option, pointing to the spot and sending Belletti off.  Carlos Tevez twisted the knife with an unsaveable shot into the bottom corner. 3-1 and even Tevez seemed amazed as he wheeled away to celebrate.

Mancini removed Wayne Bridge to a deserved ovation from the travelling support. Then Ballack saw a second yellow for a cynical, dangerous slide straight through the back of Tevez, and joined Belletti in the dressing room. But even with nine men on the pitch Chelsea continued to apply the pressure. When City broke they found themselves with five on three, Shaun Wright Phillips picking the excellent Bellamy out for a tap-in at the far post.

Chelsea’s pressure was finally rewarded, Mike Dean pointing to the spot after Barry felled Nicolas Anelka. Lampard slotted away the spot kick but the spoils went to City, who would end the weekend fifth in the table. Chelsea left the pitch stunned, chastised on and off the pitch.

Chelsea: Hilario, Ivanovic, Carvalho (Kalou 69), Terry, Lampard, J Cole (Sturridge 60), Mikel (Belletti 60), Ballack, Malouda, Drogba, Anelka.

Manchester City: Given, Richards, Bridge (Santa Cruz 78), Zabaleta, Lescott, Kompany, A Johnson (Wright-Phillips 60), Barry, De Jong, Tevez (Sylvinho 90), Bellamy

Booked: Ivanovic, Terry, Ballack (2), Zabaleta

Sent off: Belletti

That Yakuza 3 Demo; Or, Yakuza HD Remix

Okay, a serious bit in which Nathan stops trawling the internet for things he finds faintly objectionable. This popped up yesterday as I rather excitedly pointed out.

The first thing that hits is that this is not an especially pretty game. Really showing its age already despite a Japanese shelf life of less than a year. The Kamurocho district of Tokyo streams seamlessly rather than being separated up into screens as before, the streets are far busier and full of detail and obviously everything’s got that hi-res sheen you’d expect, but the buzz I was expecting from wandering round an HD Kamurocho never materialised, so agog and agape and aghast (enough of that) was I at the horrorshow that is Kiryu’s running animation. Seriously. Horrible stuff. And you’re going to be looking at that animation an awful lot.

The demo gives access to just one story mission, involving fisticuffs at perenially troubled nightspot Stardust, giving me just enough of a taste of the combat system to confidently state that by and large it’s exactly the fucking same as in the PS2 originals. Mashing out combos with presses of square and triangle results in the same old strings. The available context-sensitive HEAT actions seem unchanged too. The status page in the pause menu does show a couple of new additions at level 5; blocking attacks giving a HEAT boost and a HEAT attack involving smashing together two goon heads suggest that there should just about be enough new stuff over time to warrant an investment. The HEAT combos that herald the approaching end of a particularly tough enemy are now selectable, the demo giving a choice from one automatic two-hit headbutt and another QTE-intensive that does greater damage. AI difficulty seems to have been beefed up a bit too, even these early enemies dodging and blocking, attacking you from behind to interrupt combos. But the movement, the block, dodge, lock-on – all as clunky as e’er they were.

Perhaps most damningly of all little has been done to smooth over some of the cracks in the storytelling, exposition still a mixture of cutscenes and clicking through text. During a fully-voiced phone conversation with Kashiwagi I was relieved to see I could skip through sentences with presses of X as before, then distinctly less impressed when I realised that I had to press X at the end of every line anyway. The English translation seems slightly less Americanised than in Yakuza 2 – a definite blessing if indicative of the final game.

Only two of Kamurocho’s many minigame diversions are available in the demo. Karaoke, which gives you the option to sing alone or call a date, is hilarious stuff, if only for five minutes, which admittedly is precisely the point. A surprisingly tough rhythm action game, it first involves you sitting at a table providing backing vox and percussion to your date and then singing yourself. One of the more fascinating aspects of everyday Japanese life is the image of hyper-serious salarymen getting sixteen different kinds of fucked up and then singing their hearts out along to some J-cheese, so hearing Kazuma’s over-the-top wailing is a nice contrast to the brooding honourable sort that gravely nods his way through the rest of the game. I’ve not bothered with the arcade stuff to be honest but I did read on a forum that the UFO catcher physics were much improved so, you know. Wow.

Overall then, this really is just Yakuza HD Remix. That the game so brazenly follows the precise template laid down by its PS2 forebears comes as something of a disappointment, and it already seems inevitable that the game will involve: Haruka going missing or getting kidnapped; a fighting tournament in Purgatory; an unlikely buddy-up with a member of the police force; and probably a bomb up a skyscraper right at the end there.

Yet my preorder remains in place because, as a fan of the series, a Yakuza game that doesn’t make my eyes bleed jaggies is enough, and I guess Sega knew from the start that all they needed to do was up-res everything, add in a few bits and get the loading times down and watch it sell by the Japanese truckload. It seems odd to be casting a glance at Yakuza4 after so fleeting a play with the third game, but here’s hoping Sega do the decent thing  and give it the generational reboot, rather than this reskin, that the series – and its fans – deserve.

Chrono Boner

Oh man. Some vaguely serious Yak3 demo impressions coming later today but wow wow wow look at this:

WANT. Cheers to 1up.

Yakuza 3 Demo TODAY???

This is the best thing about today so far, by some distance, to the extent that we have nothing funny to add. Via Playstation.blog

FAPUZA.

What Awful Shit Is This

I’ll show you what awful shit this is.

It’s Leona Pissing Lewis playing Final Fantasy XIII for a bit and then doing some admittedly pretty good reading from a card someone is holding up for her. ‘My career as a singer has had its fair share of Random Battles!’, she might have said with a sly wink, had we got to the end.

Final Fantasy XIII is out next month and is apparently bobbins.

David Jaffe Swears In Public

While talking somewhere sometime this week about something he said ‘fucking’ as part of the clause ‘for the love of fucking God’.

God of War III is out in March and will probably be okay.

God was unavailable for comment last night. We are however assured he continues to listen.